Healing

I was inspired by tbean's post yesterday and it had me thinking about our NICU experience. When we were thinking about adding to our family much of my logic and hoping was to have the opportunity to have a 'normal' birth experience. With the duo, they came a month early and ended up spending 6 days in the NICU. While I feel grateful that even small, they were relatively healthy and were just feeders and growers in the eyes of the great nurses that cared for them the first days of their lives. But we missed many of those initial sweet experiences - I missed holding my daughter the first day of her life, and just spending hours in the beginning just looking at these new little people who have entered into the world.

While we knew that the NICU was going to be apart of our experience I would never wish it one anyone. No one should ever have to leave the hospital without their baby. Leaving with your belly empty, your breasts full and pieces of your heart behind is not something any mother should have to experience. Having to get up, get dressed and function in public in those initial days post-pardem was some of the hardest days I had ever experienced.

Now, three and half years later as I sit here on the couch with my duo while they watch a morning cartoon I am amazed how they have grown and thrived since those initial days.

With the arrival of our newest little lady it has brought some peace to my heart. We had many of those firsts that were taken from us the first time around. Miss. F was with us from the beginning, and she came home with us from the hospital some of the things I missed the most. These experiences have helped to heal our hearts, for me it has also made me realize that I am never going to get those first days back with our duo. (Yes, I know I should have known this quite some time ago, guess it's just the reality setting in). The second time around is different just on it's merit. The sweetness is still there, just different. Now you do not have the ability to sit and stare at this new little being for hours - you have other little people to balance in the equation.

Either way reflecting on it all, it feels calming knowing that our family is now complete. While I still struggle at times with the knowledge that I will not carry another child, I love the family that we have. And I have to believe that my heart will continue to heal and make peace with experiences that have helped to make our family what it is today.

One vs. Two

I think we knew that our infant experience was going to be dramatically different this time around. But I think we were still surprised at where the differences popped up. Really we knew that having one infant was going to be easier, we have visions of being able to pop her into the moby and continue about our regularly scheduled lives and daily activities.

The biggest shock is the constitution of one full-term baby vs. two preemie babies. I tell you it's night a day. I guess I would have anticipated this, but really it has just been so shocking. She came out with a strongest developed sense of reflexes with some chub on her arms and legs, and a desire to suck. The girl has got a strong latch to say the least.

Now today Miss. F is 9 pounds - I think it took R almost 5 months to get to that point!

The challenges with a full-term bambino- while I would never wish the NICU experience on any parent, coming out of there our babies came home with a schedule. We knew when to expect hunger, and could plan on significant sleep between these feeding periods. This time around - it feels like little Miss is in the driver's seat. Working to establish a strong milk supply, and co-sleeping means we are not getting solid periods of sleep. I know this would happen with an infant either way, it still feels a little foreign to us.

While this little lady has captured our hearts and technically we are considered veterans in this category it does feel like we are in un-chartered territory.

Horomones, emotions and changes, oh my!

I tell you, they are real things. I knew the power of hormones previously, but now they have taken on a whole new meaning.

With the new little lady coming home I have been blown away how there is a hormonal difference in how we currently relate to our kids. M has a new appreciation of how a crying baby can cause physical pain for us b-feeding mom's.

More so it fascinates me with how those super-sonic mom ears work. Even today, when T & R are up or something is wrong I will hear them. I have that 5th sense that something is happening with them. And thus far, M has that with Miss. F. I am not trying to give the appearance that I am not boded with Miss. F, but it is just different that innate response and connection.

I am guessing that part of this for the time being is due in part to the division of labor that is currently necessary for our daily survival. It's one of the biggest changes this time around - its not about sinking in to the sweetness of the newborn period. Having two preschoolers really prevents you from having slowing down too much.

I have really taken on the majority of the care for T &R- especially in the mornings when I try and let M get some additional sleep. While M is b-feeding she spends a good chunk of time with the wee one and we try and switch it up every now and then. I guess we are approaching it as we did the first time around - one thing at a time. Eventually we are hoping that it will reach more of a 50-50 sort of scenario but for now it really is a little lopsided. We are making it work...but it is not without some sleeplessness for sure.

Still here

Hey all, sorry for the radio silence lots of stories pictures and thoughts to share fter bringing Miss. F home from the hospital. We are in the thick of it trying to figure out how to juggle life with our new little family. After week of friends and family we are now juggling it all in out own....we are tired but managing.

Blog posts that hope to soon come:
** the difference of having one full term baby vs two preemies is the biggest surprise for us.

**Juggling the needs of the twins and their adjustment in having a new baby at home and how we tried to prepare them for the transition.

**Childcare and division of labor.

** Breastfeeding and attachment. How it is different not being in the drivers seat his time around.

So these are the thoughts rumbling around my head. Anyone have any requests to which one to start with?

And baby makes 5

I am happy to announce that our daughter Freya Jennings Weiss was welcomed to the world yesterday, through 26th at 8:08am.  She is 7lbs and 14oz. Perfect in everyday. Of course there was some adventure along the way but I will share with everyone when we get home.

So in love.

Gush

M's water broke, now off to try and get the contractions to start. Wish us luck!

The flu that binds us

So I am woefully behind on the non-challenge, we were hit hard this week by the flu. It took us all out. I was just reading the musing of the ladies of at Next in Line and I could not agree more. I miss the days of being able to be sick and not having to simultaneously take care of two other little people with the hopes of having your wife who is 37 weeks not get sick. Let's just say it has not been fun. at. all.

but moving forward.

We finished our birth class last night. It was a great gathering- we took a mindfulness class that not only takes about birth, but how to meet your moments. Both the good and the challenging that come for most of us during our birth process. I can not remember if I have talked about it before, but it is a great class. We had taken it before when I was carrying our duo, and it was great being able to sit in the other seat this time around. It was a wonderful conversation starter for us, and allowed us to really feel ready for the road ahead of us.

With the class ending, I have to say I am ready to move into the next phase of this journey. End the pregnancy part of this journey, and move into having this little lady here. It is hard to believe that she will be here...soon. Very soon I would say. There has been no indication that she is making an impending arrival, but it's hard to think that due date is only 2 weeks away.

I will catch up here shortly...