sigh

it doesn't do any good for one's body image when you pregnant wife wants to borrow your jeans since they fit her better.

On a more uplifting note- my duo turned 3 this weekend! It is hard to believe that they are already three- two little people running around, telling stories and making me laugh. You can see more on our other family blog here.

Wishing everyone a happy Monday!

As it turns out

After reading this post this morning, I have had a few thoughts swirling around my head.

When we talked about M getting pregnant the joke was that M was going to be a weenie. Typically she doesn't deal well with not feeling well, or things hurting, or any physical ailments really. The other part of it, is I am typically a bad nurse maid. Growing up, my dad was of the camp "you buck up and you deal with it". And while this mantra has gotten me through some tough periods in my life, it typically does not make me the most empathetic person around. Together, these two traits- felt like a very dangerous combination.

Now I feel bad for poor M. She has been truly ill with this pregnancy for the past 7 weeks or so. Every night she has been in bed around 7pm, and dealing with immense n.ausea throughout the day.

I am trying to be supportive, and giving - but it's tough. I am trying not to complain, keep score or just feel burdened but the reality is this is hard. Yes, it is hard in the way you are all probably thinking- most of our day-to-day lives fall on my shoulders currently. But what is hard at the moment is missing the balance that life was. I don't think I realized how needy I typically am, or how much I relied on M to take care of certain things.

More so I miss having a conversation, someone to bounce all these thoughts in my head off of someone. truly, i don't feel like we have been able to have a full conversation for a month. I don't want to be resentful. I want M to have a beautiful pregnancy - and in every way she has been such a trooper. It's a sad realization when you wake up and feel like it is your own flaws and limitations that are bringing you down.

As much as M is hoping that the second trimester will bring some physical relief, I am hoping that soon I get my wife back. Right now this all feels a little lonely.

one step forward two steps back

Lessons I have recently learned.

Teachers in California don't pay into State Disability. Why you ask - that I have no answer for.

M is a teacher. Originally when we realized that her EDD would be the end of June we thought that would be ideal, she would be off during the summer then she could potentially take her paid maternity leave when school started and that could ideally keep her out of work until the end of November, beginning of December.

yeah. not. so much. sigh.

So, since teachers don't pay into State Disability she does not qualify for short term disability, nor does she qualify for Paid Family Leave. Now, teachers do have the option to sign up for and pay for a separate disability policy - but of course now that option is not available to us. We called and they will not cover any 'pre-existing medical conditions' aka. pregnancy at this point.

And the kicker ...now since she is due mid-summer (when is is already off of work) that she is not really going to receive any paid time off. we are trying to figure out if we can afford for her to take the 12 weeks of federal FMLA, and then I think I could qualify for 6 weeks of paid family leave- but financially it is going to be a much different picture than we were originally thinking.

This being an adult thing - sometimes it is hard. No one tells you that you have to read all the fine print.