two sides of the coin

Earlier this week I had drinks with a friend. Her and her partner and currently in the midst of the IVF process, and her partner carried their twins last time. Two women, whose families are both trying to get pregnant - but on very opposite sides of the 'getting pregnant' card. I've done it already, she has only experienced parenthood from the other side thus far-

It was an interesting conversation, i think therapeutic on many levels for us both. Giving us a chance to ask those questions that seem to be taboo to most:
- Do you fear loving a child more or less that came from your own body?

- Fear being able to be as successful being pregnant as your partner previously (twins vs. a singleton pregnancy - may seem irrelevant to some, I guess not as much when you are in the situation)

- feelings about being birth mom vs. non-birth mom - who get's to make decisions, how do you bond?

In all - a good conversation and really opened my eyes, or at least reminded me that there are two sides to every coin. For as sad as I am on some level about not carrying a baby this time around, I want to be excited for my partner. I want her to have the same support, the same experience that I did.

To add insult - I am ovulating right now myself. Maybe this makes it all the more fresh - but why am I so aware of my body now that I am not trying to get pregnant? Sheesh.

The moms are alright

I've been reading lots of people's thoughts about this movie. Have you seen it?




Having a family that has a 'known' donor it was interesting to watch, and maybe acknowledge somewhere in the back of my head that this scenario might happen in my future. I know - the cliche of one of them ending up with a guy was annoying - I think what rang true to me about this film was the idea of the pendulum.

In my life- something new comes in, it's new, it's different - it's sexy. You dive in, you want to experience - all of it - and then something happens, reality sets in - something that knocks the newness out, and all of a sudden the pendulum swings the other way. You are disenchanted with everything - and you hide.

I guess what I had hoped - or what I do hope for in my own story- that somewhere we are able to find an equilibrium. I have to acknowledge that my kids might want to meet their genetic other half one day. Will it hurt- maybe. But hopefully, eventually it will lead us to a new 'normal' where we can all be seen.

Second time around -

So we think M is ovulating- looking at the picture it would appear that way but we are still waiting for the temp shift to be sure. M has an VERY short cycle so we began testing on day 8, and this was from day 9 - we'll just wait another day or two to be sure.

I think the plan is to use this as a test cycle and then gear up to give this all a try next month.



It's funny going through this all again - yours eyes are open. You know some of the ups, you expect some of the downs but it's still amazing the different challenges that come along the way.

There was a moment yesterday that I could almost appreciate that it is not going to be me having to physically go through this pregnancy. Two and half years later it feels like I am just getting my body back, and post-preggie was hard on me. So I am trying to sit back and feel a little grateful - that I get to watch my wife share in the experience this time. Not to say that I am a little envious- I liked being pregnant - but feeling a little a peace with watching her enjoy her own experience.