As it turns out

After reading this post this morning, I have had a few thoughts swirling around my head.

When we talked about M getting pregnant the joke was that M was going to be a weenie. Typically she doesn't deal well with not feeling well, or things hurting, or any physical ailments really. The other part of it, is I am typically a bad nurse maid. Growing up, my dad was of the camp "you buck up and you deal with it". And while this mantra has gotten me through some tough periods in my life, it typically does not make me the most empathetic person around. Together, these two traits- felt like a very dangerous combination.

Now I feel bad for poor M. She has been truly ill with this pregnancy for the past 7 weeks or so. Every night she has been in bed around 7pm, and dealing with immense n.ausea throughout the day.

I am trying to be supportive, and giving - but it's tough. I am trying not to complain, keep score or just feel burdened but the reality is this is hard. Yes, it is hard in the way you are all probably thinking- most of our day-to-day lives fall on my shoulders currently. But what is hard at the moment is missing the balance that life was. I don't think I realized how needy I typically am, or how much I relied on M to take care of certain things.

More so I miss having a conversation, someone to bounce all these thoughts in my head off of someone. truly, i don't feel like we have been able to have a full conversation for a month. I don't want to be resentful. I want M to have a beautiful pregnancy - and in every way she has been such a trooper. It's a sad realization when you wake up and feel like it is your own flaws and limitations that are bringing you down.

As much as M is hoping that the second trimester will bring some physical relief, I am hoping that soon I get my wife back. Right now this all feels a little lonely.