Birth story

Warning: this is LONG...I have been working on it for a few weeks now, and just wanted to get it up and out before I spend any more time trying to edit it...it's not perfect but it's for all of you to enjoy.

I have been trying to get M to write down her story now for what...oh six weeks... :) I can feel so many of the smaller memories slipping away, I wanted to detail our story at least my portion of the story now before it gets any hazier.

Saturday June 25th was a beautiful day here in town. One of the quintessential beach days. Unfortunately I had to work, it was the last day of a user group at one of my facilities and I wanted to head up to support some new staff in making sure all ran smoothly. I was nervous about going as this would take me out of cell phone range, but M and I had a plan to check in and she was going to be taking the kids to a preschool friends birthday party. So off we all went.

Watching the music performance I all of a sudden had a thought that I should head home, things were under control, I checked in with my staff and started the trek down the mountain. I had brought a list with me of a few other errands I wanted/needed to run and I wanted to make sure I got those done and got home in time to give M a break.

(1pm) Needless to say when I pulled into town I received a slightly anxious call from M stating that her water had just broke.
At the preschool party.
In front of all the parents.
She had to ask the host for a towel, and not one she wanted back. I guess all the other moms sprung into action and helped corral the duo, get the in the car so M could head home and try and get them down for a nap. I was so thankful that I ended up in cell range to receive the call!

I immediately sprung into action and started making calls. Called friends to come take care of the duo, our acupuncturist to help try and get contractions kicked off. M had tested positive for Group B a few weeks back and she was anxious about having to spend any additional time at the hospital that wasn't needed.

By the time I made it home we had just a few minutes to spare before heading over to our acupuncturist. (3pm) The plan was to go through the appointment, go for a walk, and then decide when we would head to the hospital.

Side Story: We went through the same Doctor's office for this pregnancy as we had for mine. First time around we had become friends with my Dr. we'll call her Dr. D. Because of that friendship M didn't want her to be 'her' doctor...didn't want her down in her nether regions. But of course, our doctor is now out of town at a wedding in Canada, and who is on call...Dr. D. Had to chuckle at the irony of it all. M made her promise after giving birth that she would immediately forget everything that she just saw. :-)

6pm - We head off to the hospital. After packing the last things, getting our dear friend over to care for the duo and M is starting to have some smaller contractions we decide it is time to get out so we can get the antibiotics started.

We arrive at the hospital and M is thrilled to find that World Cup games have just begun! What better way to spend your time in the hospital, and first weeks other than watching soccer. Lots and lots of soccer.

We spend the next few hours getting checked in, starting M's antibiotics and walking around the L&D ward trying to get things started. Finally around 10pm we talk with Dr.D and decide to do a dose of cervadil to really get M's cervix ready, and M agrees to a sleeping pill as we all assume that tomorrow will be the big day. Our doula heads home and we get ready for the evening.

Around midnight we try and get some sleep- but as I lay there I just listed to M's breathing quicken and become more focused and labored every few minutes. I get up and some an sit with M through these initial contractions. Things started off rather slowly, but really intensified quickly. By 2am things were rocking and rolling and M's contractions were coming consistently at this point. I put on our playlist and spent the next 6 hours listening to the ocean waves, M's focus on breath and riding the waves of contractions.

M had really thought that she would want to be mobile during birth, not tied to the bed. With the sleeping pill on board, M really was out of it during each contraction break. She would instantly drift off and begin snoring - cute, but kind of humorous at the same time.

Around 3am I called the doula to update her and let her know what was going on. M was hoping for a natural birth and was doing great managing the contractions to this point. I was getting frustrated trying to manage the nurses who kept coming in and talking to M - saying things like "those contractions are really painful" or "it's because you are in so much pain" I was doing my best to continue our affirmations that moving through each contraction would bring us closer to our baby and that each moment was opening her for that moment. Our doula came back in to help me at that point...

The next few hours are a blur, there was puking and moaning and trips to the toilet - around 5:30 M was checked and was somewhere around 6-7 centimeters. Let it be known that I am not a night time person. I needed a moment to close my eyes...M was managing her contractions and seriously sleeping inbetween each one. For the next hour we all sat in quiet - our doula with M and me behind her eyes closed taking a moment of quiet. Finally around 7am M was checked again and was just about fully dilated! We were all in shock as none of us realized that M was going through transition in those moments - looking back I guess I should have guessed based on the energy going inward, and not expressing it outwardly as you are typically told to expect.

Everything in the room shifted gears to get ready for M to start pushing. She had a small lip of cervix that was holding on but with some support and various positions it melted away and it was time to start pushing.

M is an athlete. It had always been assumed that pushing would be something that she would excel at - and she did. Pushing for just under an hour M was able to safely deliver our little lady safely into this world at 8:08 am. In the final moments I had been allowed to 'deliver' my baby- to be the first to lay hands on her and assist her delivery into the world. It was an amazing experience, not one I will soon forget, feeling her warm, wet slippery body helping to pull her from M's body and place her on her chest. Priceless.

Upon arrival Little Miss had some initial difficulty transitioning into this world. Her breathing was raspy, quick and they wanted to take her into the NICU for a brief observation. While this was my worst nightmare on many levels, something I wanted to avoid at all costs - it was appropriate on many levels as I was now in the position of having to shuttle my newborn into the NICU.

Luckily, with a little additional suction we were able to get her sprung from the NICU rather quickly - within an hour we were all together again as a family. Little Miss nursed for the first time, latched like a champ and hasn't let go since. :-)

The next two days were a bit of a haze, feeling gratitude for this new little life for my amazing wife and how phenomenally she did during the delivery. I was/am in awe of her. It's hard to believe that this all happened almost 2 months ago- the days have been a blur - but I wanted to make sure to write down my memories, my experience of the arrival of our new little lady and how she has impacted our lives and our hearts from the moment she entered our world.

Slow your Mind

something that has been heard around our house quite a bit these days is 'slow down your body'. With three year-olds there is so much movement, so much activity and so little awareness of their bodies. It's adorable when you are watching them learn a new skill, not so great when they are around your new newborn.

Our duo is loving having a little sister, they will lay on the floor with her, sing songs and repeat many of the silly things we say to her on a daily basis. It's amazing to watch them love on her, and integrate her into our family.

For me - being the one who is working out of the house right now - it's been a little tough to get in sync with the family and with the baby. Not only am I having to juggle the focus of home life, baby time and work....work has been more than hectic and chaotic as of late. Not. Fun. At. All. I had hoped to be able to take some time off once the little lady arrived, and with the current situation I wasn't really able to take much time off at all.

Currently my days made up of getting up with our duo in the morning so M can get a few more hours of sleep. I get them fed, dressed and ready for the day before I head off to work. While I typically only work until 3 of 4, I then rush home to help with dinner, baby jiggling and any number of other tasks that need to happen to keep the household up and running. In the evenings once the kids are in bed (which seems to be getting later, and later, - note must do something about that) I have a few precious moments to really sit down and soak in my new daughter.

This is where the challenge comes in...I can't seem to slow my mind down. The speed of a newborn is so unique, so special and so different than real life. So I sit. And I try to quite my mind of the countless other things that I feel like I 'should' be doing at that moment. I try and soak in the moment, savor these early days that will not be happening again. But it is HARD. I am a do-er. I feel satisfaction from completing things off my list. There is also a part of me that thinks the best thing I could be doing is getting those things done so M doesn't have to worry about them during the days when I am not around.

Still, I sit. I try and quiet my mind and remind myself that the house can be messy, the dishes might not be done but I had a moment to kiss my daughter's baby fingers and rock her in my arms.

I am going to keep trying. Some days I am more successful than others...but I am going to keep with the mantra: "Slow my mind"

Healing

I was inspired by tbean's post yesterday and it had me thinking about our NICU experience. When we were thinking about adding to our family much of my logic and hoping was to have the opportunity to have a 'normal' birth experience. With the duo, they came a month early and ended up spending 6 days in the NICU. While I feel grateful that even small, they were relatively healthy and were just feeders and growers in the eyes of the great nurses that cared for them the first days of their lives. But we missed many of those initial sweet experiences - I missed holding my daughter the first day of her life, and just spending hours in the beginning just looking at these new little people who have entered into the world.

While we knew that the NICU was going to be apart of our experience I would never wish it one anyone. No one should ever have to leave the hospital without their baby. Leaving with your belly empty, your breasts full and pieces of your heart behind is not something any mother should have to experience. Having to get up, get dressed and function in public in those initial days post-pardem was some of the hardest days I had ever experienced.

Now, three and half years later as I sit here on the couch with my duo while they watch a morning cartoon I am amazed how they have grown and thrived since those initial days.

With the arrival of our newest little lady it has brought some peace to my heart. We had many of those firsts that were taken from us the first time around. Miss. F was with us from the beginning, and she came home with us from the hospital some of the things I missed the most. These experiences have helped to heal our hearts, for me it has also made me realize that I am never going to get those first days back with our duo. (Yes, I know I should have known this quite some time ago, guess it's just the reality setting in). The second time around is different just on it's merit. The sweetness is still there, just different. Now you do not have the ability to sit and stare at this new little being for hours - you have other little people to balance in the equation.

Either way reflecting on it all, it feels calming knowing that our family is now complete. While I still struggle at times with the knowledge that I will not carry another child, I love the family that we have. And I have to believe that my heart will continue to heal and make peace with experiences that have helped to make our family what it is today.

One vs. Two

I think we knew that our infant experience was going to be dramatically different this time around. But I think we were still surprised at where the differences popped up. Really we knew that having one infant was going to be easier, we have visions of being able to pop her into the moby and continue about our regularly scheduled lives and daily activities.

The biggest shock is the constitution of one full-term baby vs. two preemie babies. I tell you it's night a day. I guess I would have anticipated this, but really it has just been so shocking. She came out with a strongest developed sense of reflexes with some chub on her arms and legs, and a desire to suck. The girl has got a strong latch to say the least.

Now today Miss. F is 9 pounds - I think it took R almost 5 months to get to that point!

The challenges with a full-term bambino- while I would never wish the NICU experience on any parent, coming out of there our babies came home with a schedule. We knew when to expect hunger, and could plan on significant sleep between these feeding periods. This time around - it feels like little Miss is in the driver's seat. Working to establish a strong milk supply, and co-sleeping means we are not getting solid periods of sleep. I know this would happen with an infant either way, it still feels a little foreign to us.

While this little lady has captured our hearts and technically we are considered veterans in this category it does feel like we are in un-chartered territory.

Horomones, emotions and changes, oh my!

I tell you, they are real things. I knew the power of hormones previously, but now they have taken on a whole new meaning.

With the new little lady coming home I have been blown away how there is a hormonal difference in how we currently relate to our kids. M has a new appreciation of how a crying baby can cause physical pain for us b-feeding mom's.

More so it fascinates me with how those super-sonic mom ears work. Even today, when T & R are up or something is wrong I will hear them. I have that 5th sense that something is happening with them. And thus far, M has that with Miss. F. I am not trying to give the appearance that I am not boded with Miss. F, but it is just different that innate response and connection.

I am guessing that part of this for the time being is due in part to the division of labor that is currently necessary for our daily survival. It's one of the biggest changes this time around - its not about sinking in to the sweetness of the newborn period. Having two preschoolers really prevents you from having slowing down too much.

I have really taken on the majority of the care for T &R- especially in the mornings when I try and let M get some additional sleep. While M is b-feeding she spends a good chunk of time with the wee one and we try and switch it up every now and then. I guess we are approaching it as we did the first time around - one thing at a time. Eventually we are hoping that it will reach more of a 50-50 sort of scenario but for now it really is a little lopsided. We are making it work...but it is not without some sleeplessness for sure.

Still here

Hey all, sorry for the radio silence lots of stories pictures and thoughts to share fter bringing Miss. F home from the hospital. We are in the thick of it trying to figure out how to juggle life with our new little family. After week of friends and family we are now juggling it all in out own....we are tired but managing.

Blog posts that hope to soon come:
** the difference of having one full term baby vs two preemies is the biggest surprise for us.

**Juggling the needs of the twins and their adjustment in having a new baby at home and how we tried to prepare them for the transition.

**Childcare and division of labor.

** Breastfeeding and attachment. How it is different not being in the drivers seat his time around.

So these are the thoughts rumbling around my head. Anyone have any requests to which one to start with?

And baby makes 5

I am happy to announce that our daughter Freya Jennings Weiss was welcomed to the world yesterday, through 26th at 8:08am.  She is 7lbs and 14oz. Perfect in everyday. Of course there was some adventure along the way but I will share with everyone when we get home.

So in love.