Brad

This post is in a series in a blog carnival about donor sperm and all the various ideas that come around it...so settle in for some reading.

M and I have known from the beginning that children were going to be apart of our future. We just were not sure how we would make it work for us. Initially we asked a friend if he would be willing to be our donor. This felt like it might be a viable option for us, but after a few awkward conversations this route ended up not working for us-

We then turned to frozen. After looking at a variety of banks we decided to go with an open identity donor, someone that the kids could contact if they wanted in the future. For us, this felt important. I did not want to take that choice away from them. While I wasn't planning on getting into our selection process here I did want to share one thing we did... it was a Defend Your Donor Dinner with some of our closest friends.

Along this road M and I had chosen our top 6 donors and invited some of our closest friends over for dinner. We then handed everyone a profile and had each person defend their donor. For us it was a way to lighten a odd, stressful situation with an evening, full of wine and laughter. Each individual made up stories about their donor, argued about why we should choose their donor over the other options at the table. We came up with names, persona's - making the process feel a little less impersonal to us. So at the end of the night, we had made our choice...and we called the s.perm bank to welcome 'Brad' into our family.

Today, I struggle with different issues. Primarily at this point looking at the idea of getting in contact with other families that have used the same donor. I believe there are other families out there, but at this point we have not signed up for the don.or registry - I am not sure if I am ready for an 'extended' family. M really does not have a strong view on it, and is willing to leave it up to me at this point. While I have moments of curiosity wondering what parts of my kids come from Brad, and seeing some of those similarities in the faces of others it feels like a lot to forge ahead with these new relationships.

The debate I continue to have about the DSR is if I had decided to go with an open-identity donor so my kids could potential contact this individual in the future - is it my responsibility or duty to do the same with other siblings that might be out there? Is this a relationship they would or would not want to have in the future? The more I think about it, the more my mind starts to spin.

We have talked with our duo about their donor, and how it is his generosity that made our family possible. For us, we celebrate his generosity throughout the year by trying to give of our time through other charities. For us Brad, our donor, had given us a way to talk about generosity and volunteerism and how we should all give to help the dreams of others come into reality.

Keep reading along with other's journey's at...http://inlocoparentis.wordpress.com/