Surprise, surprise...

What surprises me about being a parent - like many of you it's hard to put into words, it's everything and it's nothing. I have been blown away with the primal need I have to care for my kids, to love them to provide for them. I would do anything for them...but I am not sure that is what surprised me.

One thought that came to me thinking about this question is how becoming a mother has provided me with a key to enter into a new club. I am not sure what it is like for men, but I have found that after becoming a mother, especially since giving birth, I was given access to a new club. Now when interacting with new people especially those that have kids or have families - we have a new level of connection, a conversation starter if nothing else. Working in a very female dominated field, I found having become a mother validated me on a professional level as well. Strange? I thought so as well.

I think the other aspect of motherhood that surprises me is how consuming it is. I knew it was a 24 hour a day job, but I had no idea how naked I would feel when my kids were not with me. Feeling like I needed to be wearing a sign around my neck so that the world knew I had this badge of honor. I am not sure why this aspect (and yes, it is only part) of my identity I want to wear so publicly. It's not like I feel the need to walk around screaming to the world - pay attention, I'm Jewish, I'm an environmentalist, I'm a lesbi@n...for some reason when I don't have my kids with me I feel like I am walking around with just one arm. I am not sure if it totally makes sense- but jut the essence of the feeling I guess.

Oh - and going back to guilty pleasures:

• People Mag - it's my motivation to get me to the gym most days. Being able to have my 30 minutes with my mag and the stair machine. Such trash...
• Making M get up in the morning with the kids, pretending to be asleep and enjoying some stolen time in bed to read.
  
• Ice cream...Ben n' Jerry's Phish food specifically, but any ice cream will do.
  
• sigh...there was more, but I forgot.
  

Maybe I should talk about that under what surprises me about parenting, my memory. It's a fraction of what it used to be. <> But all n' all - I wouldn't trade a moment of it.