Poor Mr. T.
Poor Mr. T.
Can I tell you how many times I have heard this statement recently? Since finding out we were adding a new little lady to our home this is what most folks have greeted me with.
Poor Mr. T.
Poor Mr. T for being the solo boy in a house full of women.
Sigh, at first I'll admit there was a small apart of me that agreed with them. I did want another little boy (secretly) to help balance things out around the house. But that didn't happen, and you know what, I'm okay about it. Mostly.
When I first found out that I was giving birth to a boy, I did (and still do) worry about how two women are going to raise a confident, loving and secure boy. The ironic part is, Mr. T is ALL boy. Maybe it's all just amplified because I am constantly looking at the genetic differences of boys vs. girl - but Mr. T is all boy. His goal in life is to see how far something can be thrown, what does it sound like when you whack it on the ground and how fast can he run. It's fascinating in itself to watch. But I digress.
I do not think that Mr. T will be worse off for being raised in a house full of women. It is my hope that he will be more aware, in tune with the needs of the various women in his life throughout his life. But if I am being honest, not being a boy myself there are still moments of panic that I must talk myself down from when the testosterone flares and he is rough and loud and (somewhat) destructive. It is my fear that he will not turn into a confident, secure guy, but turn into an angry guy. Angry that he did not have his needs met, angry that he did not have the right role models.
So while I try and let the "Poor Mr. T" comments slide off my back, there is the small nagging voice that they might be right.
i can not tell you how much it irked me when people made similar comments during R's recent twin pregnancy. everyone made stupid comments about how awful it would be if it were b/g twins ... how the lone boy would suffer in a house full of women. it made me want to scream! and made me so defensive of our potential boy twin. we are contemplating another pregnancy in the future (we are crazy, i know) and im already worried about similar comments.
ReplyDeleteim not totally naive, i realize there are unique challenges to raising a boy with 2 moms (or two moms and sisters), but i think the comments are rude and surface. ultimately, your children are going to be raised in a home full of love. they will get everything they need to become awesome adults, your son and your daughter. just the fact that you are thinking about these issues speaks volume to the kind of caring parent you are.
it's kind of like when you come out to someone, and they react poorly and say they are just worried about how "hard" the road will be for you. their comments are what is creating the hard road! similarly, when people say "poor baby boy" - they are creating that reality with their comment. they could just as easily say, "what a lucky baby to be born into such a loving family, to parents who want him so badly."
ok. i'll climb off my soapbox and stop hogging your comments section. i just feel for you in those moments of having to defend your family/your son. dont let them get to you - and dont let your own moments of doubt take over - i am sure your son is going to turn into the confident, secure man you raise him to be! xo
For a long time, sex doesn't matter in the least really. There is very little difference to me that I have a boy versus a girl. I actually think it makes messy diaper clean-up easier. lol. I've thought about how it might make a difference when he's older than 'little kid' age though. I'm sure he'll want to have good male role models to look up to, and we'll do our best to provide that (apart from his male relatives that is). There will definitely be conversations that he might feel uncomfortable talking to his two moms about versus another guy. But nothing will ever be perfect for any child. As long as he or she grows up in a house with loving parent(s) who have open minds, it's all good. People who think 'poor boy' are stuck in their own stereotypes.
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