Lactation Nation

When I was the bio-mom, one thing I did well - even with my preemies was B-feeding. The beginning was tough, as it is for most of us, but by 6 months we really hit our stride. I as able to exclusively feed my duo until they were 9-10 months, then we had a great b-feeding relationship until they were 18 months when I had to stop due to my own health problems (a story for another day).

I enjoyed b-feeding, it was something I did well. I did not enjoy my relationship with the pump...(I wish I had read about pumping gifts at that time...what a great idea!). The first time around, M did not induce lactation, she had no interest to. In fact, I think the pump really scared her.

So when M got pregnant I automatically starting thinking about how I could support M this time around by b-feeding. Initially we were both excited about the idea, having 4 boobs, one baby. We day dreamed about sleep and being able to alternate care, and I loved the idea of being able to bond with this new little being on that level.

Then as time passed I have begun thinking about logistics of it all, I read this series of post from the ladies at First Time Second Time. I have begun to have some second thoughts.

So here are some of the thoughts I have been having, combination of pros and cons:

• From all the research and reading I have been doing that at best it seem that I will never have a true b-feeding relationship with this bambino, but more of a b-supplementing relationship.
  
• That induction would take an incredible amount of time, resource and patience. While I could swing the later two parts, time is something that we are short on with two three year-olds running around the house.
  
• Part of me worries I might end up resentful - I already get a sense that M wants to pass some of this off to me. While I want to be supportive, this is her journey, and she should have this experience on her own.
  
• Pumping...it's miserable. If I never had to do it again, I would be alright with that.
  
• My duo, adjusting to life with a new baby and having to share that time, attention and energy even more - I want to make sure that we are available to be there for them and that we are both not tethered to the pump.
  
• I would really like to b-feed again, I loved the intimacy and the closeness that it brought to those sweet moments.
• Hormones - is it smart to have two highly hormonal women when I can save T&R from the wrath and be there more to support M?
  

So while there is no clear conclusion here as of yet this is where the thought process has led thus far. I think M is open and willing to go either way on this, I just want to make sure that we make a choice based on the right reasons. That it is something I am not doing just to satisfy my own personal need, but that it is best for the family.

PS- is it weird that even still almost 1.5 years later when I talk about b-feeding I can still feel that 'feeling' inside my own breasts?