little of this...

and a little of that.

I have some random thoughts bouncing around - opposed to trying to make one coherent post, here are some random bullets:
- M is going through puberty. t's pretty hysterical really. Let's just say that M has never needed to wear a bra. ever. Now there are frequent comments of:
"They are touching my stomach!" or "I can feel them move!" or my all time favorite "who knew my n'ipples could turn that color!" It's pretty outstanding.

- People try and come up with all sorts of jokes about me not having to be the pregnant one this time around. Frequently can be over heard - you get to be pregnant and drink during this pregnancy. ha ha ha.

- I think we have finally made progress in trying to choose a doctor vs a midwife. while in theory we are totally supportive of the concept of the midwife, we never found one that we clicked with in our practice. So we are back to square one and going to see a MD that we both really like, and I am not looking into seeing if the doula that was there for the duo's birth can join us again. There is a comfort to me in bringing the good ol' team back together. It worked the first time, right?

- M and I are really working to try and find peace with this pregnancy. it's funny because it has never been about not wanting another baby, or feeling like we didn't have the capacity to love another child. For me, it's about the grief of now knowing I am not going to be carrying another child. There is apart of M that would never want to hurt me, and avoids knowing I am sad about this- at the same time she finally acknowledge that it was a lot for me to give that up. Just that acknowledgement has made a world of space in our lives to try and move beyond it all.

- February 15th is the big Ultra-Sound day. Any thoughts what might be having...?