after the negative

the ride of our first cycle continued for a few more days - even after what appeared to be the star of M's cycle. There was that moment, where you could convince yourself that the cycle was lighter than normal, was probably just light spotting that happens to many when they are first pregnant, then you take another HPT and again it turns out negative, and you finally accept what the universe has been trying to tell you. you. are. not. pregnant.

sigh. so after a few moments of feeling a little disappointed and discouraged you pick yourself up and start counting. Counting the days until you inseminate again, and look at the calendar at what event is going to coincide with your insemination schedule this month - it's murphy's law, really it can not happen at a convenient time. really.

next phase includes re-thinking and discussing all the decisions you had previously made. should M be the one getting pregnant, what if we can not get more s.perm, what if the doctor does not do weekend insemination's, what if, what if, what if...really the list goes on. even after all of the conversation last night, i am still not sure how many changes one should make per cycle. what about all of you, do you stick with the same course of action, do you try something new - how much faith do you put in your body vs medicine vs the powers that may be.

unfortunately, i have never been one that typically leaves things up to chance. or at least not comfortably.

sigh- so as of today, we are back on the ride. counting down - trying to regain the momentum and the faith that this cycle, this time, it is going to work.